Thoughts from a Best Friend: A Look at Affection

I guess I should apologize, for sticking my head where no one wanted my input. For saying things and acting as I had a hand in everything. I'm sorry. Really. I feel horribly. But since I still feel plagued by all this stuff I want to get it all out -- there. My two page journal entries just aren't cutting it because I feel like no one is there to understand it. I'm sad. I'm so so sad about what is happening in the lives of my two best friends. But the worst part is, I'm also happy. I'm happy that they have found each other in this world of awful, that they now each have the other on their side to show affection and support beyond friend status. I love them both more than words can describe, but I'm so worried for our future together. Now that they're dating, does this mean that I don't matter anymore? That their lives are a two party show and I'm just the audience member that claps too long and too loud? I hate this feeling. This feeling of jealousy and regret and sorrow. And beyond all this I feel guilty for feeling because I have no right to say anything. I have no right to state my opinion because it's not my relationship, it's not my life, it's theirs. And they will and should do with it what they should. But it hurts. Even when it shouldn't.

"...sometimes I get tired. Sometimes I get bored. And sometimes all I want, more than anything else in the world, is to go on a freaking date." - Kiersten White, Paranormalcy